I'm baffled by my thoughts. I am very worried what will be installed for me next. Will I get to move on to a better job or will I get stuck here and get booted out one day? It's not that bad isn't it?
I must admit that I am focusing all my energy on the job interview outcome. Yes, I know, I shouldn't. There are much more things to do right? I am too desperate to leave this low key life and back to the high gear. Yes, it's the salary. I really cannot afford to stay in this low pay job. It's getting ridiculous as I inched closer to 30 years old. Come on. I do a lot of better things.
It has been 9 days since the interviews. There is no response yet. And I really pray for the better to come. I have a sense that this is all not too good, and I may have to re-look again in the job portal. Whatever it is, I really wish to get out of here and back to something challenging.
Perhaps, it's the nasty emails I got today from Paran. But honestly, he overreacted. Probably riding on the wave on the past incident. If that's your wish, please do. I've already killed myself here long time back.
What a day. I had 2 job interviews on the same day, though I wish the second one to be earlier.
Both went pretty okay, I didn't impress both. Well, since both jobs are mere support role. I don't think they are looking for some next-big-star candidate. In fact, I was pretty sad on the first interview. It was a little bit quick, and I was like rushed out, without a proper hand-shake with the Manager. I was a bit puzzled, why they didn't mentioned what's next for me.
The second one was a easy one. She is a bit auntie alike. I can talk out with auntie very well. hehe! But I was disappointed that she was just looking for someone to manage the XML. And I was like, ? XML REALLY? That difficult? XML is just a tree data structure...I think she didn't get what I meant as a tree. Oh my. She mentioned that the salary is a bit off mark, but I told her twice that the salary is really negotiable.
I'd say it's rather unexpected to say that I got tired of the anger. What not, it's about the job again. Yes, boring.
What makes today different was the joke on the new intern, Michael. Johnny was commenting that we should manage their workload. I was fumed up. That is not my responsibility, though I tried. I was even annoyed that when Kent and him joined hands to put pressure onto us. Well, I just can't take some of the arguments that just don't sound. Heck, when salary was brought up to the table. It was outrageous in me. It was further pushed up a notch when in defiance, they compared that I have an option to choose, while the intern don't. My god. I blew up instantly. Apparently, they forgot the meaning of a rice bowl. Rice bowl can't be changed easily, my friends.
But again, it's not a surprise to hear what the kids say. Usually, full of logic flaws. Good thing is that, I realize that I do get tired for whatever nonsense in my head. I'm glad that weekend is here. And a very good time to rest.
I had a short trip home for Ting Gu's Wedding. I couldn't full spell her name. It was indeed fun to see everyone again.
I didn't sleep well in the coach. That's normal. I usual don't sleep well in a coach, because I was worry that I might flew out of my seat. Bang the window of some sort, and die tragically. Perhaps I'd too much trip on a bus, it developed sort of this instinct to watch yourself. I don't know, somehow I was too worry for myself in a coach.
The usual bus stop. Sri Maju Bus Station. How many years I've come to this bus station and use their bus services to different part of the country. *Shrug* I love that place. I like the staff there, I like the seat there, and I like the little memories that lingers in every corner.
That was a busy Saturday. This is my first time attending a morning session wedding. It was fun to see how the guys poke fun at the girls. And it was indeed an eye opener to participate a Chinese wedding ceremony. There was a range of stuffs prepared for the wedding.
Later in the evening, I had dinner in a restaurant downtown. I was humbly rejoiced to see everyone. It was a real good dinner.
I'm mentally exhausted. A very tiring day.
And again, I'd the same bad dream. It was a little bit different. It wasn't that painful. But yea, it indeed reminded me again my struggles in the past. Yes, I live alone or rather I've been living alone, and sometimes it took a great of courage to face all sort of pitfalls in life. But again, was I that week? Maybe...
The day started differently today. I slipped and fell in the wet kitchen. I wasn't paying attention at all. I usual do, but the issue with the story film kept my mind spinning. I remembered it was 2 moments. I yelped "aiyo.." and then I became aware that I'd slipped. My eyesight had titled looking upwards to the sky. I saw my right root pointed to the air. Haha..
At work, I couldn't resist the new digital single of Getsunova. I still have no idea what is the meaning of the song. Let me wait for the full version.
It was a mind blogging day in office, especially the SMOTA. There were heaps to go, and everyone seems wanted to know shortcut answer. I had responded to many in a rather funny yet bizarre. Many of times, I couldn't change my line of thought from execution to something to thing needs a decision that quickly. Many frown as they didn't get what I meant. That's pretty usual.
Seriously no way to dodge this bullet of love again. Haiz..life oh life.
I thought this is gone. For years, long gone. Why? Tam mai ah? I guess, sometimes in life, there is always the little thing that will boomerang. Take it! And face it.
Come to think of it, I'd really really not thinking about Love, since 2008/2009. Now that was quite a tragic. And how did it triggered the little moment? Spare me wonder please. Maybe, it was back in 2006 December when I drove to the beach to forget about the first love. Yes, First Love with caps on.
Moments. The little period in every interval that keeps every memory lasting.
I had every reasons to be moody the whole week. And it seems to be affecting my daily work. But it's good to be low for a period of time. To be reminded of the little pieces of work done in the past. I just can't hold back this emotional raft. Well, I thought I would handle it well. Apparently, I didn't.
It's birthday again. Hello, 29. Aiks, that's old. Hugs on pard-pard. Guess, I shouldn't at this age. Argh, whatever.
This year birthday is slightly different. Maybe it was due to work. I was swarm by the huge amount of work for the past 2 weeks. And, I'd the privilege to meet up with my ex-boss. A bit of talk about job. Ahem, how should I interpret it. I think it must be for something good la. hehe.
Anyway, no birthday leave. For the strange rule, Monday and Friday there shan't be anyone taking birthday leave. The strangest ever reason in the world. It must have been, seriously. No point ranting la, this is the one damn company you doesn't want to labour for. Hell, I'm still around. Haha...Anyway, I was so tired on Thursday night class. I was in my state of calm in the night class. I had to kept asking questions to keep me awake. There were plenty of questions on my head, eh. Well, when it comes to chim stuffs, it's hard to get by the thinking part.
After the night class, I hopped over to Singpost KFC. My favourite meal. As usuaul, had my KFC for the night. It's a bless~. Really!
On Friday, my holiday mood instantly turned on. I had every reasons to be not so responsive in my emails. It was my damn birthday in a work place. *shake head* Mich and Sarah were smart enough to wish me out loud when the bosses are not around early morning. I also bowed to Selwyn as a sign of thank you, when he deliberately said it out in office. Get that!
Later on, I met up with Poh Neo, uncle Chua and uncle Chia for dinner. They are always the best buddies, though they are more than doubled my age. hehe! Forgot to take a snap. Aiya. We had a long dinner. A buffet in hotel Grand Mercure. It was on international course, with a bit of Nyonya flavour.
Glad that I'd hid my birthday in Facebook. I received no SMS, no Facebook notifications about my birthday. Not that I'm selfish, just that even myself don't really celebrate my birthday.
Thank you all for the day.
It rather annoys me to say that I'm in the PM team. Many at times, I just felt like whacking up the team to get a better grip over project management. Sigh.
Non-stop complains, why can't you focus on the positive aspect of someone instead of watching over the particular spaces of someone's horrible life that one just can't do certain thing. Argh.
It was all over me again on Friday when you-know it's milestone time. All hell break loose, gosh! Why can't we collaborate, why can't we work together, why must it be he-did-that, and you didn't do this. To be honest, it's pathetic to see how a project breaks apart. Torn to pieces of he-did-this, he didn't. -.-
I'm puzzled. Really.
Am I prepared to resign?
No, I'm not. I'm not giving up hope, though that I have long lost faith in the company. It's shattering to see the deplorable state, mismanagement, everyone to blame. What is worst when it's slammed on one's initiative. Hello, it's not like it's a new procedural issue. It's been there since for dead time. Yes, new initiative is indeed required, but where is the incentive to do so? Won't it a waste of time to bring up the whole matter again, and back to the chalkboard? And before time runs out, people leaves one by one.
And again, I got another desperate email. Desperate for a change, why not change the perspective in your damn head. Could I propose to you to look at the positive? Re-evaluate your impression image that had it stuck in your head, sometime it helps to resolve matter, quicker. Apparently, funny as it is, some do like to communicate in letters, write email. In a way, it's a good way to ignore the reader's reaction, but certainly that doesn't help to bridge healthy communication. It needs face to face communication. Read the eye, learn the gesture. That will tell the reaction. Who knows people might just trash your email and forget about it. In retrospect, face to face communication gives ample space to learn from each other, from gesture, from spoken words, and even warms relationship. But of course, it's a healthy two way communication la. I am yet again puzzled, you don't need to see the reaction one ha?
But anyway, coming back to the real question. Yes, I have lost faith to the company. Since the probation review, screw me, I got it wrong again. This is a company that is unlikely gamed for growth. A big one, I mean. Oh gosh...Bala is perhaps right. This company is really on the plateau. It's either another uphill or head for a fall. Going by how the company works, it's unlikely that people is ready for another big uphill trajectory. I have big doubts in it, even to myself. How do I fit in this picture? Hmm...
Woa, this has been a while since my last post. Alright, gotta post post post. More post to come!
Yesterday, I came by a blog by a young local boy. Child of God as mentioned, he is yet another believer who shared the same characteristic with some of my christian friends. What amused me was the constant reminder to be reminded. Sometimes I wonder, what does it actually means. Perhaps a good reflection of the actual good state.
I am too have to be constantly reminded of such good karmic condition. I am reminded that such condition does not last long, nor does it last still. But the question is, will I ever learn, how brave am I to withstand the fierce norms of me - the actual construction. It is indeed tough. Haven't I not started this stand off when I was very young.